This is a single activity session plan from The Lifeskills Handbook. There are 61 activity sessions altogether. The handbook is available from our resources section where you’ll also find downloadable storybooks, books and posters to help you in your work.
LifeSkills Handbooks Activity 34
Love and Sexual Feelings
Purpose of Activity
- to explore feelings about forming relationships
- to examine children’s ideas about love and sexual feelings
Life Skills: Problem-solving, Communication, Interpersonal Relationships, Critical Thinking, Creative Thinking
Important Points
This session is divided into two parts. Think carefully about the timing and do what suits your group first. In the second part you may need to adapt the Agony Aunt letters. Use the everyday words and phrases that children find most appropriate to describe aspects of sex and sexual behaviour. If the children cannot read, simplify the session focusing on one or two Agony Aunt letters only.
Materials
- Large pieces of paper or a flip chart
- Marker pens or crayons
- Agony aunt letters (sometimes called ‘problem-page’ letters.)
Steps
- Divide the children into girls-only and boys-only groups of five or six. Ask all the groups to discuss both these questions:
- What are the four most important things a girl looks for in a boyfriend?
- What are the four most important things a boy looks for in a girlfriend?
- Copy the chart below onto the paper or flip chart. As they give their ideas, fill in the chart.
What do boys look for in a girlfriend?
What do girls look for in a boyfriend?
- Discuss: What qualities are mentioned most often? Are there differences between the boys’ answers and the girls’ answers? If so, why?
You can have a break here.
- Divide children into groups of three or four.
- Explain that you are going to read out some letters from children to an ‘Agony Aunt’. (An Agony Aunt is someone who works for a newspaper, magazine, radio station or even on television, who gives advice on problems sent in by readers or the audience). Imagine that you are the agony aunt, what response would you give to the person writing in?
- Give a different letter to each group. (If there are no readers in the group, read out one problem letter then ask the groups to discuss each of the questions after the letter. You may want to use just two of the letters in one life skills session. Do not give the groups the notes.)
Letter 1
Dear Auntie,
Can you tell me what is wrong with me? I have now fallen in love four times. Each time the girl is very beautiful and I cannot sleep until she agrees to my proposal. But after making love, I lose interest in them. How can you find a girl who you will love for ever?
Questions
- Do you think the boy has really fallen in love four times?
- Why do you think he loses interest after making love?
- What can we say about what love is or is not from this letter?
- What would you say in reply to this letter?
Notes (educator only)
The boy does not love the girl but has strong sexual feelings. He should control his feelings and ask to know girls better. If he thinks only about having sex with a girl then this is not love.
Letter 2
Dear Auntie,
I am 15 years old and I love this girl very much. We go out together every weekend and we have a very good time together. The problem is, I don’t want to hurry into making love to her until we get to know each other better, but she seems to be getting impatient. She tells me if we love each other then we should show it. Do you have to have sex if you are in love?
Questions
- What do you think of the boy? Is he being a coward? Is he behaving in a loving way?
- What do you think about the girl? Do you agree with her? Do you have to have sex to show you are in love with each other?
- What can we say about love from this letter?
- What would you say in reply to this letter?
Notes (educator only)
The boy and girl seem to love each other. She wants to have sex to show her feelings. She is right to say that sex can show you love someone. But if you love someone you also respect their feelings. The boy prefers to wait until they know each other better and because of the consequences of having sex at a young age.
Letter 3
Dear Auntie,
I have been with my girlfriend for about 2 months and I really enjoy being with her. The problem is I am not sure if she feels the same. Last Sunday we went to watch a football match together but she spent the whole afternoon talking with another boy who lives nearby. I got so upset I left her there and went home. Now she has written me a note asking me why I abandoned her at the football match. What should I say to her? Do you think she loves me?
Questions
- What do you think of the girl? Does she care about the boy’s feelings?
- What do you think of the boy? Does he love her? Is he jealous?
- Was the boy right to leave the girl at the football match? What would you have done?
- What would you say in reply to this letter?
- Does the same thing happen to girls that has happened to this boy? More often or less often?
- What should the girl do?
- What can we say about love from this letter?
Notes (educator only)
Maybe the girl was being selfish and did not realise that she was upsetting the boy or maybe she really does not care about the boy’s feelings. It is also possible that the boy is easily jealous, so he is exaggerating. In many societies, boys and men grow up to believe that they should control their girlfriends. Boys get angry if their partner talks to other people, especially other boys. The boy could reply to her note asking to meet so that they can discuss the issue together. If they cannot compromise, then perhaps they do not love each other enough.
Letter 4
Dear Auntie,
My family is poor and my mother really has to struggle to send me to school. At school, I have met this boy who comes from a rich family. He has bought me food once or twice and he tells me that he really loves me. But he laughs at my clothes and when I told him that my mother sells buns in the morning to get the money for me to go and school, he laughed and ever since he has been calling me daughter of a bun. If I act upset, he laughs even more. Do you think he really loves me?
Questions
- What do you think of the boy in this letter? Does he love the girl?
- Write a letter advising the girl.
- What can we say about love from this letter?
Notes (educator only)
The boy may have some feelings which are similar to love for this.
Final Discussion
What is the most important aspect of love? What makes love last? If you feel attracted to someone, is it love? Why do you feel this?